I just got back from my 25th … er, 20th … high school reunion over the weekend. It’s always a good chance to see and be seen. And it’s an opportunity to find out what my former teen brethren have been up to over the last decade or so. Since I’ve faithfully attended my last several reunions, I would like to share some insight I’ve gleaned over the years.
5) When I cheerfully ask, “How are you doing?”, it does not mean I want to know your entire life story since we were in Biology class. Nope. What I want is for you to give me a 25-word or less dissertation on your life. Keep it succinct, keep it classy, keep it upbeat. I had a classmate languish on last night about every physical ailment he was currently experiencing. That tale of woe was compounded by his lack of medical insurance. Speaking of ailments, I feigned a minor epileptic seizure just so I could get away from him. People, it’s a reunion, not a therapy session.
4) Here’s some simple math regarding reunions … Chances are, if I liked you in high school, I probably still like you. If I didn’t care for you, I’ll likely tolerate your presence. And if I didn’t know you … please, for the love of God, do not come up to me and act like we are current BFFs. If I have to rack my brain trying to remember who the hell you are, it’s awkward. Plus, it makes me skittish that I may be coming down with a slight case of dementia. If I am coming down with dementia, however, I will NOT bring it up. Please refer to #5.
3) Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY likes a martyr. We had one guy who relentlessly posted on our reunion FB page that he wasn’t coming because it was unlikely that anyone would remember him. He then proceeded to friend request the entire class after rambling endlessly how teen angst-y his life was. The only thing worse? He added “LOL” after every post. When I arrived at the reunion I did a quick scan of all the closest exits in case he came in with an Uzi and a sense of entitlement. Lord knows being sociopathic is fun. LOL.
2) The women in our class are aging far, far better than the men. The women all looked polished and pretty … like living China dolls. They took an infinite amount of time and effort to create an effect. And they all smelled great. A majority of the guys, on the other hand, were sweaty … like they were 5-10 minutes away from cardiac arrest. Gentlemen, let’s step it up a bit at the next reunion. I’ve seen less bloated men fished out of rivers.
1) Ever since the 5-year reunion, I’ve always considered myself to be the unofficial mayor of our class. Well, maybe not the mayor, perhaps more like the water commissioner. I like to quietly appreciate and be proud of the achievements of my classmates. We’ve become pilots and lawyers, chefs and police officers, grandparents, Grammy-winners and golf pros. We all need to relish in everyone’s accomplishments, pat each other on the back when warranted and find an excuse to reach out from time to time. Some of my very best friends were honed back in my high school years and it was an honor to raise a glass or two (or, uh, ten) over the past couple days to celebrate everyone’s successes. Can’t wait to see what the next five years has in store. There was such a groundswell of enthusiasm over the weekend, I’m hopeful that people commit to staying in touch and being appreciative of the relationships they’ve cultivated since we walked across the stage at graduation.