Dear Ms. Griffin,

M2 here.  I, too, am a fame whore.  Takes one to know one.  Just wanted to say you’re doing a terrific job of playing to your audience, making people laugh and unapologetically clawing your way to the top.  The top of what, I have NO idea, but you’re doing an amazing job regardless.

I’ve adored you for years.  I can’t say I ever watched you in “Suddenly Susan” though.  (It WAS Brooke Shields and NBC, after all.  I mean, COME ON!)   But I do vaguely remember watching one of your first performances in  “Medusa:  Dare to be Truthful” — Julie Brown’s hysterically spot-on spoof of Madonna.  By the way, whatever happened to Julie Brown?  Can you get back to me on that?

We have a lot in common.  We both openly mock and chastise people.  You are slightly more skilled in the celebrity-genre while I lambast the common folk.  We’re both Emmy winners, which means we’re hella-talented.   We both have our own websites.  And we’re both natural redheads.  I opt for a slightly blonder hue, but only because I don’t want to steal your thunder.   Or get confused for Howdy Doody.

I saw you in concert last year when you traipsed through Kansas City.  Maybe you remember me?   I was sitting in the third row, slightly to your right.  I was the one laughing uproariously when you did your scathing impersonation of Nancy Grace.  She is a stupid, skank-whore, yes?  I can’t stand her.   Ooooh, there’s something else we have in common.

I noticed that you’re coming back to Kansas City in August.  If possible, could you check your oh-so busy social roster?  I’d love to go bowling or grab a Shasta after your show.  Tom and Tiffany are welcome to come, of course.  Maybe I’ll bring some of my peeps to keep them occupied while we discuss world peace, personal grooming habits and, of course, that bitch Ryan Seacrest.  If I ever see him, I promise to punch him in the throat for you.  Consider it my gift to you, Kathy Griffin!

Please give my very best to Larry King as he is not long for this earth.  And big smooches to my man-crush, Anderson Cooper.   Keep up the good work, sisterfriend.  Keep your spirits high and your morals, scruples and standards low.  You’ll get further, faster. And just know that I am available for a cameo on “The D-List” wherever and whenever you may need me.  

All my best and lots of love,

M2, Esq.

PS.  I friended you months ago on Facebook.  Hello??
PPS.  Love the new banging bikini bod.