How is it humanly possible that Bristol Palin is somehow … miraculously … inexplicably still a contestant on Dancing With The Stars? I have seen her dance, and I use that term loosely. Stephen Hawking has more rhythm. Granted, I find her partner Mark Ballas absolutely engaging and adorable, and that must be the single, solitary reason why America keeps voting for her. Either that or America has lost their ever-lovin’ minds.
Word on the street is that Palin bawled at the start of Tuesday’s DWTS results show — though she somehow managed to keep it together for the 200th episode party on Monday night. (I know we ALL breathed a collective sigh of relief on that one.) In her confessional she told viewers, “I’m exhausted. This is week 7 now. I’ve been away from home for 2 months. I’m tired. I want to go home. I want to see my son.”
Even her pro partner Mark Ballas said, “I’m just exhausted.” Yes, we got that memo. You’re all tired. Martyrs.
May I remind you, dancers, you’re getting paid handsomely. Last season, the icky Kate Gosslein was reportedly paid $100,000 every time she advanced to the next round. $100,000 to clomp around like a horse that needed to be put down? $100,000 to move like you just shat yourself? Try and wrap your brain around that one. But America turned in — in droves. I know I did. I’m dying to know how much Bristol is getting paid.
When Rick Foxx got choked up on Tuesday night after being eliminated, I blubbered right along with him. I so wanted him to just blurt out what we were all thinking: “Bristol Palin is an uncoordinated REPUBLICAN! And her mom is too! What is WRONG with you America?!”
Could be worse though. Michael Bolton could still be dancing.