I’ve been hanging out with a lot of old-school friends lately. Most of us will sit around and reminisce about high school, but not college. I always wondered why that was the case. Looking back — college was this blur of four years where I gained very little insight into the world, or did I?
Here’s what I learned:
Social Amortization. Over the course of four years I was newly introduced to sociopaths, potheads, tramps, racists and hypochondriacs. Some were my roommates, some were classmates — all were insane. I quickly learned how to assimilate into varying groups of weirdoes, whackjobs and wildings … and blend in. It’s seemed to work well over the years. I really should have become a world-renowned sociologist. Maybe I could have made sense of those early-on, deranged interactions.
Procrastination is a fool’s paradise. Is it just me or is it basic human behavior to wait until the absolute last minute to accomplish a less-than-desirable task? In college, I only pulled one all-nighter because I had enough wherewithal and foresight to try and get my assignments turned in ahead of time. I’m sure some of my college peers left school with varying degrees of ulcers. Nothing good ever comes from dread, fear or panic caused by procrastination.
Never trust the dorm cafeteria’s tuna salad. I’ve had food poisoning twice in my life, both times were from food I ate in the dorms or the quad. And oddly, both times involved something with mayo. Word of advice, if your mom didn’t make it for you, don’t eat tuna salad. You’d be better off eating a shrimp cocktail out of a bus station’s vending machine. Just the thought of mayonnaise still gives me a visceral, gagging reaction.
Free your mind, and the rest will follow. I only write this because that insipid song was insanely popular while I was in college. And also because — somewhere along the way — I secretly adopted it as a mantra. It’s the ‘90’s equivalent of “You do you.”
Hey — whatever happened to? It’s par for the course to interact with tons of people during your illustrious college years. I crossed paths with tons of people at the University of Iowa and I often wonder, even 25 years later, what became of them. Are they felons? CEOs? Astronauts? Felon astronauts? Bri Blonigan, Thom Barbee, Saad Youwanabuk, Clay Morningstar, I’m talking to you.
That assistant professor you despised will go on to do great things. I had an unadulterated hate with my “Intro to TV” instructor. He was, for lack of a better term, an arrogant asshat. He’s now regularly on CNN, quoted in the New York Times and featured as a voracious talking head in various documentaries. Ever time I see his name, I cringe. I knew I should have told him off when I had the chance.
Smell. Smell. What the hell? Certain scents instantly take me back to college. Tapioca pudding. Weed. Asphalt. Fabric softener sheets. And the almighty, unholy rotting smell of Ginkgo seeds, which fell from a myriad of trees, planted on the University of Iowa’s campus. The Wall Street Journal called the smell a “mix of vomit and putrid cheese.” Yep. Blech.
In life, college is but a mere 4-year blip … but the things you glean/gain/learn/learn to forget takes a lifetime.