Celebrity diets are so quaint, aren’t they?  Jennifer Aniston had her beloved Zone diet.  Oprah had Optifast — with disastrous results.  Then Oprah went out and hired herself a personal chef.  Some hack named Rachel Ray.  And Anna Nicole Smith touted the virtues of TrimSpa … uh, and then died.

Seems every celebrity out there has the 411 on how to look and feel your best.   And because of that, there are countless celeb cookbooks out there.  I have a few of ‘em myself that I occasionally blow the dust off of … for posterity, of course.

The real story is … and this is crazy-talk, I know … in order to lose weight you need to, GASP!, eat less and exercise more.  There.  I said it.  There’s no magical celebrity diet that is your magic bullet.

Yeah, that’s not going to stop you, is it?  You’re still going to run out and buy Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice’s new cookbook called Skinny Italian, aren’t you?  (Hey, get me a copy, will ya’?)

Now that’s not to say several famous people haven’t seen quality results by going on diets.  Heck, Cindy Williams from Laverne & Shirley was one of the first spokespeople for Jenny Craig.  She did great.  Queen Latifah, Monica Lewinsky and Kirstie Alley did not.

How Alley got so big again so fast is beyond me.  She must have put butter on an aspirin.  If someone were paying me a million dollars a year to lose weight, I would do everything short of having my jaws wired shut.  No, I take that back, I WOULD have my jaws wired shut.

Margaret Cho has forever battled her weight.  She talked openly about going on the oh-so ludicrous “Persimmon Diet” in one of her comedy concerts.  She ate nothing but persimmons, a gamey, date-like fruit, for six months.  The results were appalling.  Appallingly hysterical, that is.   Watch the link below …

Celebs like Suzanne Somers, Victoria Principal and Marilu Henner have all shamelessly promoted and marketed their wellness plans.  And they’ve all become ridiculously wealthy because of it, so maybe there’s something to it after all.

My mom always said … a fool and his money are soon parted.  Wouldn’t you really be better off just getting a gym membership and buying a Jack Lalanne juicer?  Now there’s a celebrity endorsement I can stand behind.  He’s 104 and still healthy as an ox.