Yesterday I was chatting up a friend who—out of nowhere—said, “You know, I don’t know how you stay perpetually perky all the time. Like, what’s your secret?”

(Fun fact: I was chewing Xanax at the time.)

So, I half-laughed and told her about some of my OCD-esque daily rituals. (Uh, it’s stuff I meticulously do to ensure I don’t start my own pity party.) I heard scratching sounds in the background and asked what the hell she was doing. “I’m furiously scribbling down everything you’re saying,” she admitted. “You should really put this sh*t in a blog.”

I half-laughed again. “Oh, wait—you’re serious,” I quipped.

So, without further ado, here’s my list of eight whackadoo tasks I do that somehow keep my mind in check. I’ve never shared these before. Weird. I like to think of ‘em as my own little mental health palate cleanser.

8) I make my bed.
I can’t explain it, but if I leave my bed unmade, the day goes to hell in handbasket quickly. Coincidence? Mebbe. But I’d rather err on the side of caution. This morning I merely pulled the covers back up and fluffed the pillows. Sometimes, (read that: rarely) I’ll even tuck the sheets in military-style, arrange each decorative throw pillow just so, and spray lavender mist all over my sheets and comforter.

And if my mood is particularly sour, I pull all the sheets off in a blaze of glory and wash ‘em whether they need it or not. I swear there’s something life-affirming about crawling into a freshly laundered bed at the end of the day.

7) I text 7 – 10 different people before 12 p.m.
Again, there’s no rhyme or reason to this. I just send quick missives to random friends, usually while my coffee is percolating. I just looked—this morning’s text messages ranged from “Hi. Checking in. Showing the love.” to “How you is, you sonofabitch?” to “I need to see your stupid face this weekend. Also, your face is stupid.” It’s a reminder that I always have people in my court/corner/universe.

6) When in doubt, sage it out.
This one is new. My medium gave me a powerful bundle of sage and told me to burn it as needed to clear a room (or my spirit) of bad energy. The technical term is called smudging. My sorry ass has been lighting it most every morning since my birthday in March. It’s highly unlikely there’s any rogue juju left in this house. And if it magically reappears, it won’t be around for long.

In other news, I sent two good friends their own damn smudge sticks this week. Talk about paying it forward. I deserve a medal.

5) I take a hot-second to say hi to someone on the other side. (Hi, Dad!)
Yes, it’s weird, woo-woo, and wildly peculiar, but I always take a moment to acknowledge someone who’s passed on. Most times it’s my dad. Spirit guides are around you 24/7, but you probably don’t know it. Time to give them a shout-out for cosmically intervening in your orbit and/or on your behalf.

4) Song of the Day
I always wake up with some song loudly reverberating through my brain. (Uh, I know I can’t be the only one who experiences this.) I’ll sing it or hum it to give it the power it deserves. (And to get it outta my head.) This morning—like most mornings—it was Astrud Gilberto’s “The Girl From Ipanema.” I’ve had that song ruminating in my head for over a decade. Clearly, Ipanema is beckoning me.

3) Forgive an Asshole
Guess what? I used to hold grudges. It’s not healthy or productive. I have plenty of frenemies who always seem to stir up my prolonged teen angst. Welp, not anymore. I find a way to bless and release their bullsh*t from my existence. This scenario looks different to everyone. Find your own way to, as I call it, forgive an asshole.

2) One Fun Thing
Hand to God, I ensure there’s a minimum of one fun thing scheduled on my calendar every single day.

On. My. Effing. Calendar.

Every. Single. Effing. Day.

Here’s a smattering of what’s on my roster this week:
Buy birdseed.
Order fab new swim trunks.
Meet with energy practitioner.
Margaret Cho concert.
Dinner w/ Vickie.
Lunch w/ Tiffany.
Colonic.
Schedule trip to see my stupid friend Jeff in California because I miss his stupid face.
Go to farmer’s market.
Write a blog. You’re overdue. (Check and check.)

Again, if you have something to look forward to, it’s almost like you’ve upped your fun quota for the week. And if it’s on your calendar, you’re committed. Or reminded. Or both.

And 1) The 60-Second Rule
This one is huge. (It’s why it’s #1 on the list.) If there’s a duty or task that takes you less than 60 seconds to complete, do it. I don’t care what it is or how long you’ve been avoiding it. If you can knock it out in under one minute, get it done. Squeegee the shower. Water the flowers. Clean out your car. Declutter the ‘fridge.

And, lest I remind you, the aforementioned seven things on my list are all attainable in 60 seconds or less. Hint.

Finally, is my list for everyone? No. Is it relatively attainable? Yes. And that’s half the battle. Lemme know if any of these work for you—or if you need any assistance along the way to get the funk out. I got this. And I got’choo.