Every year, the company I work for throws one helluva holiday smackdown.  They spare no expense from the food and drink to the company bonuses.  It’s really obscene how much they spend to thank their employees for all their hard work.

They do tend to skimp, however, on the emcee portion of the show.  Somehow, yours truly, always gets tapped to host the festivities alongside the Director of Human Resources. 

It’s something I look forward to every year.  It’s an opportunity to put on a tuxedo and make relentless fun of all my co-workers.  It’s like Xmas came early.  For the last five years, I’ve weaved a tapestry of innuendo, slander and vicious quips for my adoring public.  And they can’t seem to get enough.  I’m the Lisa Lampanelli of the advertising world.

Of course … since I host with the HR manager, she always lets me get away with as much as is humanly possible (uh, without getting fired or sued).  Our first year, Dory was on her deathbed with the flu.  (I had to carry the show.  Go figure.  Back then I had NO idea what I was doing.)  Four years ago, I had pneumonia … but because the show must go on … I muddled through hopped up on codeine and wine.  I barely remember anything.  Three years ago we were both sick … good times!  Last year we were both drunk.  And this year, per management request, we were both sober.  Ahem.

This year’s theme was “Castle In The Clouds: A PlattForm Prom”.  It was tacky.  It was tasteless.  And it required a lot of taffeta and shoulder pads.  I broke down and chose a pseudo-Flock Of Seagulls wig to go along with the ‘80’s theme.  The pink color scheme was not my choice … I looked like a gay candy striper. 

In a year where companies are cutting employees right and left, it’s exhilarating to see the attention PForm pays their employees.  It was a wild, hedonistic night that capped off a wild, turbulent year … and I would not have expected any less.  Or more.

Which reminds me … what happened to my underwear?