The thing about going to a foreign country like Hare, Texas is that there are a lot of cultural differences.  You try to assimilate as best as you can, but it’s hard to know all the local customs and flavor.  More on that in a minute.

If you’ve been living under a rock, I’m spending part of the weekend at a dude ranch owned by a friend of a friend.  He foolishly invited some friends down here not knowing what a city slicker I am.  The farmstead is about 50 miles north of Austin, Texas in the middle of nowhere.

It’s obscenely quiet out here.  Some people would call it serene.  I call it spooky.  Last night I sat on the patio with my friend Eric and watched a good ol’ fashion thunderstorm roll in.  The owner Matt came outside and “sat a spell” with us.  He informed me the storm was about 80 miles away near College Station, but it would be here soon enough.  10 minutes later the temperature dropped 20 degrees.  The wind started whipping the trees around.  I desperately looked around for tumbleweeds, but it was pitch black out.  Matt generously offered me a dip of his snuff and told me it was time to hustle inside.

Knowing that we were going to go to a local watering hole last night, I did what any good guest would do.  I bought a new plaid, flannel shirt and grew my beard out.  I thought I would blend in nicely.  That all came to a sad, screeching halt when I got to the bar and ordered a white wine spritzer with a twist of lime.  Turns out the bar only serves beer.  The look on my face and the owner’s face must have been priceless.  He did come up later to make sure I was having fun.  “Just makin’ sure y’all are doing well,” he said.  “Don’t you worry about being lynched.  You just enjoy yourself.”

There are a lot of things to occupy my time down here.  There’s scorpion hunting and rattlesnake shooting.  And cowboys like to play cards a lot, apparently.  There are fourteen decks of cards on every flat surface (including the ping pong table which also got a lot of use).  Plus, they like to eat and drink to excess.  While the rest of the guests guzzled Keystone Light and Busch beer, Matt went out of his way to make me a frozen Cosmopolitan.  Gold star for you, Matt.  Gold star, I say!  You are the host with the most!

I’ll survive this experience with a newfound appreciation for country living.  And this was only Day 1!  Try and wrap your brain around that!  I know I am, all y’all.