Hawaii has officially kicked my ass. It’s slightly after 1pm and I have yet to even shower. I’ve stumbled from bed to couch to lanai and back to bed. I think brunch was in there somewhere.
The best part about where we’re staying is that it’s out in the middle of nowhere and it’s quiet around these parts. I’m surrounded by Japanese tourists and American businessmen who have obscene amounts of money. I, however, do not have obscene amounts of money – I just know how and when to use my Marriott reward points.
After batting my eyelashes at the front desk, I managed to get an upgrade to a sweet suite. So we’re running with the big dogs this week. We’re up on the 16th floor … and the only thing above is the massive penthouse. I think had I worked it a little harder, we probably would have scored that room. Alas, it was reserved for some Sultan. Stupid paying customers.
We’ve decided to spend the entire day doing nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. So far, goal achieved. That is, unless ordering umbrella drinks is an activity. Here at the resort, drinks are served in glorious frozen pineapples. It’s one of the highlights of my day today. Good thing I’m only on Pineapple #2. These drinks are so strong — people instantly get better looking.
Tonight we’re headed out to some sushi restaurant that some locals suggested. The concierge hadn’t even heard of it – which is always a good sign. Tourists drive me nuts. They travel in packs. They have no idea what they’re doing. And act like the world owes them something because they are on vacation. I travel so much for a living that when I’m actually ON vacation … I try to be leisurely. Note I said TRY. It’s taken me four days of running around like a chicken with my head cut off to finally do absolutely, positively nothing.
And it’s glorious.
I wonder if I can get one of these Japanese tourists to buy me a $15 pineapple drink. I think I’ll tell ‘em I’m David Caruso.