Apparently, I’m behind the times and didn’t even know it.   Were you aware there is some mystical new language only used by cat aficionados?  It’s true.  And apparently the language is easy to learn … it simply involves butchering every pronoun known to man.

I found out about this bizarre feline-speak in North Carolina last week when I was hanging out with my friend Kathryn.  She would say things like, “Her just wants to be petted” or “Me loves me kitties!”  At first, I thought Kathryn was just mildly retarded – but I quickly realized she was doing it on purpose.

Unbeknownst to me, cat lovers replace commonly used first-person pronouns.  I don’t know if it’s just a variation on the theme or whether they’ve simply lost their minds.  I, myself, am a dog person and can’t fathom why anyone would have a cat in the first place.  I also can’t fathom why anyone would opt to sound like a moron by choice.

While we were riding in the car one day, Kathryn said, “Her loves her some Meow Mix!”  I went, “Who is Her?”  She said, “Me’s kitty!”  After my brain had a little mini-stroke, I realized Kathryn was opting to switch tenses on purpose.  She informed me that cat fanciers all over the world do it …. and that me needs to get over  it.

She continued doing it the rest of the weekend even when she wasn’t talking about her cat.  It threw me off.  Kathryn is a published author, for Chrissake.   If anything, she should be putting the English language on a throne and worshipping it.

The more I listened, though – the less it hurt me’s ears … er, my ears.  Clearly, hers is happiest when hers is using this inane banter.  So who is me’s to judge?   Him do worry, however, that me will fry mine’s computer’s spell check at the end of this blog post.

So there you go – there’s a new cat language, people.  Get used to it.  The more you know.   (Add NBC logo and shooting star here.)