A couple weeks ago, I noticed an uptick in hits on my website.  I figured that I was poised to go viral … not unlike “Chocolate Rain” and/or “David After The Dentist” and/or the 1,000+ “laughing baby” videos out there.  Really, people – really?   Laughing babies?

But the hits were coming from Ireland, Indonesia and Australia among others.  I don’t know anyone in those countries.  I mean, I’d LIKE to know Olivia Newton-John, but I didn’t think she lives Down Under anymore. 

So I did a little investigating.

Turns out there are a few key words that link my lil’ ol’ website with the rest of the world.

Example:  Mackie Surfboards.   I wrote a blog about meeting the founder of Evolution Surfboards — which had NOTHING to do w/ the Australian-based Mackie Surfboard company.  But since my last name is apparently synonymous with surfing – the hits would fly fast and furious. 

Example:  Kari Fajen.  Again, I wrote a blog about how I work with Kari – who was summarily dismissed in this season of “The Bachelor”.  (Uh, episode four, I think.)  Kari is apparently quite popular in Canada.  Either that – or she’s got a stalker in Quebec who endlessly googles her name and always comes to my blog for updates.  Here’s an update:  she’s still single and still vapid.

So let’s try a few more stories … and see if I can get the hit counter to start spinning.  Whaddya say?

1)  My last name is Mackie.  Not Mackey.  Or Mackay – which was its original Scottish spelling.  I always tell people I’m related to Bob Mackie, the famous designer.   It could happen.  My middle name is Robert.  Thus, I could be Bob Mackie’s kid.  In theory.  Or in sequins.   I wonder who my mom is?  Cher?  Carol Burnett?  Pia Zadora?

2)  Michael Mackie … get the duck out.  There’s a hockey player out there with my name.  He played for The Ducks.  If you Google my name – he pops up.  He’s almost, but not quite as famous as I think I am.  I wonder if Michael Mackie – the hockey player – steals some of my traffic?  That bastard!

3) When I teach classes at the gym, I blare my music through Mackie audio equipment.  People often point out that Mackie is the best speaker system in the world.  I would have to agree.  Mackie speakers – for all your Mackie audio gear needs.

4)  Mack The Knife by Bobby Darin.   Bobbie never met a Mackie he didn’t like.  So he sang about it.  Old Mackie’s back in town.  (New-and-improved, freshly Botox’d Mackie is also back in town … for what it’s worth.)

5) Britney Spears.  Dancing With The Stars.  Octomom.  Foreclosures.   Rihanna vs. Chris Brown.   (These were the Top 5 keyword searches on AOL.  It’s worth a shot.)  I’m no Perez Hilton or TMZ – but I did just reach 10,000 hits on my website.

So there you go – if you somehow got bamboozled in to checking out my website, I apologize.  But only slightly.   I need some new readers … and new feedback.  What sort of world would we live in without Search Engine Optimization?