My weekend at the dude ranch was filled with unexpected surprises.  Some pleasant, some not so pleasant.  After being warned countless times to watch out for rattlesnakes and scorpions, I was ill prepared to be attacked by crickets when I stepped outside last night.  I thought the apocalypse was happening. Managed not to scream though — didn’t want to ingest one of those lil’ suckers.

It’s pin-drop quiet on the ranch.  It’s true what they say - seldom is heard, a discouraging word … and the skies are not cloudy all day.  Matt, our host, would ask ten times an hour if we needed anything.  The answer was always a polite no.  He had it covered.

At the dude ranch, you’re expected to pull your own weight.   As much as I wanted to sit in the oversized easy chair and drink wine directly out of the bottle, I never quite got that far.  This morning it was up to me to help cook breakfast.  (It’s something I’m quite good at, actually.)  To fit in, I grabbed someone’s cowboy hat to scramble eggs.  It made for a good photo opportunity - until the hat’s owner arrived in the kitchen.  Turns out it isn’t good form to wear a cowboy hat while cooking.   Who knew?  My bad - country faux-pas.

Matt is an acclaimed architect.  His house reflects his love of all things country and/or western.  Colorful, broken-in chaps hang from the walls.  Various animal horns add to the flavor.  There are wooden ducks, wagon wheels and calico patterns as far as the eye can see.  It’s all very homey and welcoming.   I can see why Yankees would eat this up with a spoon.  On the one hand, there’s high speed Internet.  On the other, you’re drinking well water - sparkling and pure.  Or pure-ish.

Even the farm dog, Colt, gets in on the action.  He’s a yellow lab that runs the ranch.  And by run, I mean hangs out and greets guests with a slobbery tongue and thump-whump of his tail.  Matt designed and built a custom-made doghouse for Colt.  At night you’ll look outside and see a soft glow coming from Colt’s pen.  Matt installed a heat lamp on a timer so the dog is always climate controlled in his doghouse.

When I come back in my next life, I want to come back as Matt’s dog.

There are cowboys.  And then there’s Matt.  Born and raised in Texas, being a country boy is in his blood.  Now shut up and pass the Skoal.