I have a lot of friends.  Since I have the gift of gab, my goal is to make a friend wherever I go.  Just call me Chatty Cathy. 

My friends are broken down in to four distinct categories:  

1)  Acquaintances … you know, those people you meet once and instantly adore because you sense a connection.  After that, you rarely see them unless you coincidentally run in to them again … say, in a bar.  But they still get a kiss or firm handshake.  Politeness and smiles abound. 

2)  Friends by proxy … these cherished people come in and out of your life at any random point.  Co-workers.  Classmates.  You don’t exactly keep in close contact, but you can easily pick right up where you left off.  This represents 94.25% of my friend brigade. 

3) BFFs … the people you call ten times a day and they don’t get sick of you.  You can call them when you’re having a crisis or panic attack.  You can call them to spontaneously meet you for a drink or bail you out of jail.  They are the ones to tell you that you’re far too old to be wearing stuff like that.  BFF’s are very important.  They keep you sane … while you drive them nuts. 

4)  Kindred spirits … my mom once said, “Son, you’re gonna have a lot of friends, but only three or four will be your kindred spirits … the ones you would move mountains for.”  She’s right.  There are a select few people in my life who fall in to this category.  Typically, my kindred spirits and I have NOTHING in common.  Doesn’t matter.  They keep me grounded.  I often rely on them for advice, life skills and matters of the heart.  These are the people who will speak at my funeral or pen my unauthorized biography. 

Today is my BDay.  The single most important day of the year – uh, other than Easter and Xmas, allegedly.  Today is important because I’m reminded what wonderful friends I do have.  They spare no expense to rib me about my age, my Botox and my never-ending vanity.  They buy me margaritas – the ones with the good tequila too.  Not that horse-piss well crap.  They cater to my every whim.  And they make sure my hair looks good.  I only ask one thing from my friends … loyalty.  And they get the same in return … in spades. 

Without my friends, I am nothing.  Without me, though – my friends aren’t nearly as popular as they think they are.