Scored some free tickets to go see the I Love The 90’s Tour at the Iowa State Fair yesterday. The good news is … I went. The bad news is … I went. That being said … I will preface this blog by saying I am a stalwart child of the 80’s — so much of this music was completely lost on me. This was not the soundtrack of my youth. Call it … Generation Gap 101. But here are a few musings about the acts who were performing:

Tone Loc … his growly speak-sing style of rapping had the audience chiming in with him. He also had a younger, more animated rapper alongside him to do some of the heavy lifting. I’m sure it’s difficult enough to walk around a stage — let alone remember words. Why not have a 20-something duet with you to help a brother out? And while you’re at it … why not invite a slew of uncoordinated, Rubenesque white women up on stage with you to bump and grind?

Coolio: He yelled at us. Lots of yelling. “Be good to each other. Be good to your neighbor. Be good to your grandma. Be good to anyone living in Sheboygan.” When he wasn’t telling us to be good, there was some old school rapping. I still have no idea what he sings, but the crowd — from what I could glean — enjoyed his yelling.

Color Me Badd: Originally there were four members in this R&B group. It appears the lead singer ate one of them and now there are only three. They sounded good from what I remember. To be honest, I was too busy looking at the singer’s 400+ lb. frame and perfectly, overly sculptured eyebrows to pay attention to one falsetto thing coming out of his mouth. The other two singers added in harmony when warranted, nominal choreography and tried to avoid the tsunami of sweat coming from their frontman.

Young MC … remember him? The “Bust A Move” guy? Well, he opened the show. Many of the white people around me — 97.25% of the crowd — had no idea who he was until he ended with his well-known hit. A hit that was popular … for 10 minutes … in 1990. My only thought? Did MC stand for Macaroni and Cheese? Me thinks he could afford to mix in a salad everyone once and awhile. Bless his heart. Would it be too much to ask for the tour to hire a dietician? I want to keep Young MC young. Bloated MC doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Salt-N-Pepa: Good Lord … these ladies know how to work the crowd into a frenzied peak. They’ve honed their craft over the last 31 (!!!) years and people were frothing at the mouth to see them. So many sing-along hits. So much dancing. And non-stop mixing from Spinderella. Plus, the male back-up dancers provided some much needed guy-candy. Most people in the audience pushed it until they broke a hip.

Vanilla Ice: I left within .02 seconds of hearing “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO! Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO!” It seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

For me, the 90’s were a giant blur of both college and starting my first TV job. I couldn’t be bothered with going to concerts or the faded glory of music videos. Yesterday’s concert certainly didn’t leave me waxing nostalgic — save for the fact that Salt-N-Pepa absolutely slayed all the other performers. I would say “Girl Power!” — but apparently the Spice Girls were unavailable.