In my day-to-day big boy job, I’m a director.  Yes, I yell “Action” and “Cut”.  No, I do not wear an ascot or use a bullhorn.  But lately, I’ve been doing a lot of stuff in front of the camera.  I was born to be on TV.   I studied acting and broadcasting in college.  Uh, and French too.  I’m destined to work on a sitcom in Quebec.

May I just say, I have absolutely NO idea what I’m doing when it comes to acting.  A thespian I am not.  I can barely remember lines and I cannot improvise to save my life.  (Just ask the guy who directs me.  Poor sap.)  But somehow I manage to get cast for various roles.  I’d like to think it’s my megawatt smile, but, somehow, doubt that’s the case.

In my latest incarnation, I rocked the ‘70’s for an upcoming charity event.  It took several stylists, a seamstress and an acrobat to get me in to the polyester pants I’m wearing.  If you think they look unforgiving ON me, try wearing them.  I was anticipating a wardrobe malfunction at any second.

It’s fun to play dress up.  Yeah, I get it.  But when you’re shooting outside on the SINGLE COLDEST DAY OF THE YEAR, it leaves a lot to be desired.  It took about six takes before I nailed my lines.  By that point I couldn’t feel my fingers and my nipples had fallen off.  I believe it’s called suffering for your craft.  Guess that makes me a martyr.  The only part of me not freezing to death was my head because I was wearing a 30lb. wig.

By the time I turned 30, I had achieved every one of my professional goals, save for one.  I always wanted to do the infamous “Wonder Woman-spin” on camera.  Well, watch the video until the end and you’ll see my dream finally comes true.

Set your standards high.  And your morals low.   And your scruples even lower.  And maybe, someday, you’ll be able to pursue an acting career.  Or porn, whichever.