I have no musical ability whatsoever. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Played the clarinet for about ten minutes in grade school and quickly decided that band class, or any aspect thereof, was not for me.

That being said, I’ve been thinking about taking piano lessons lately. Actually, it’s been in the back of my mind for a few years now. Usually, when I want to learn something, it’s on a whim.  Like the time I signed up for sign language lessons because I thought it would be fun in a rudimentary sort of way. (I got a D+ in the class because I would often flip off the instructor when she constantly criticized/corrected me.  At least my middle finger was universally recognized.)

I’m worried that piano lessons are going to be both extensive and expensive.  And that my instructor will be some sort of gray-haired schoolmarm who smells of mothballs and regret.  Perhaps singing lessons would be a bit more my speed, yes?

Do I have any sort of singing ability? The answer is yes. I’m a wonderful singer, borderline brilliant, provided I’m in my car.  I’m Dee Lite, Def Leppard, Destiny’s Child and Debora Iyall all in one. There have been countless times I have been singing at the top of my lungs at a stoplight and people comment on my amazing vocal range.  And by comment, I mean, they often just point and laugh.  Think of the reaction I’d get if I had the cojones to roll the windows down.

A local blues singer tried her best to teach me how to scat once.  I thought I was quite a natural.  Odd that she hasn’t called me to tour with her.  Probably doesn’t want me to upstage her.

People who have any sort of innate musical skill deserve a medal.  Not only have they taken the time to practice, they’ve had the inclination to hone their craft.  Props to them.  Meanwhile, I just bought “The Best of Expose'” on CD … so it won’t be long before I’ll be stretching my vocal talents in the car.  Practice makes perfect, eh?  And knowing me, I’ll probably throw in a little car choreography too.  Beyonce’ has NOTHING on me.