With Halloween nipping at everyone’s heels, it’s time to put up or shut up. At this point you’re probably so desperate, you don’t even care WHAT you’re going as … you just need an idea.
Thank God I’m here.
Here are some easy ideas:
The Rent-Is-Too-Damn High Guy: All you need is a black suit, black and white tie, black gloves and glue on some killer mutton chops. Done! Just walk around berating people and saying, “The rent is too damn high!” Effortless.
Charlie Sheen: Spike your hair, grab a hooker and a broken chair. You don’t even need clothes. Just attitude and a bloody foot.
The BP Guy: Even though it’s a little post-mortem, you can always go as Tony Hayward, the now-defunct, ex-President of British Petroleum. You just need a cheap suit and a hardhat with BP logo taped on it. Walk around spilling oil on people and talk in a British accent. Piece of cake.
Bedbugs: Come on! A brown Spandex-y body suit. A pillow. And a jar of ketchup. Done.
Sally Kirkland: Obscure, yes. Easy-to-pull off, yes. Hideously heinous, yes. Kirkland is probably 70, looks 90. She’s a big, roly-poly, ample, garish drag queen. Grab yourself a blond wig and run a lawnmower over it. Stuff yourself and several crumpled newspapers in to an oversized trash bag, thrown on a colorful scarf … and voila’ … you’re Sally Kirkland. (The more newspapers, the better. She always looks like she’s busting at the seams.)
Betty White: Duh. She’s hotter than bacon grease right now. Raid grandma’s closet, grab a walker and your bestie who looks like Sandra Bullock. Simple.
Justin Bieber: Okay, everyone, and I mean everyone is going as Justin Bieber this year. Want to know how bad it’s gotten? Even DJ Pauly D from The Jersey Shore is going as Bieber. No, I’m not kidding. Note the picture. And, yes, that’s really him.
What am I going as this Halloween season? I’m not. There’s too much competition out there.
I and the youngest of 6 kids so Halloween was the holiday of “you’re on your own, kid.” I remember in 1st grade we had a Halloween party (is that even allowed anymore in this damn PC world?)at school and the night before I panicked and had NOTHING, nothing I say, to go as. My mom, in between her cigarettes, made me a costume. I am going to wait to tell you when you come back from the bathroom, b/c you better relieve yourself. Okay, a tree, made out of Hy-vee grocery sacks and some real leaves she made me go get from the yard. This wasn’t the first time Mom went to her bag of tricks, she used to give me grocery sacks to use as an umbrella during school. Brilliant on her part, really. I got to school and could just toss my umbrella in the garbage. Not good, however, if it rained in the afternoon.