Sometimes I don’t have the slightest clue about the apparel I’m asked to shill.  In nine years of retail working in the trenches at JCrew, I gained absolutely NO product knowledge whatsoever.  None.  Nada.  Zip.  Didn’t learn it.  Didn’t try.  Didn’t care. 

The weird part?  I was one of their highest-selling associates.  Mainly because I didn’t expound upon the virtues of cashmere … I either told people something looked good on them or, uh, it didn’t. 

One of my legendary lines remains a classic.  A woman walked up to me in pants that were clearly too tight.  They would have been too tight for an eight-year old with her jaws wired shut.  As she examined herself in the mirror, she turned and asked, “Do these pants make me look fat?”  I walked up and so, “No, ma’am … your fat makes you look fat.” 

 I am nothing if not honest. 

This week on “What the Chic” on KCTV5, I was asked to unveil the pros and cons of the gladiator sandal.  Pro … they’re all the rage.  Con … not everybody can wear them.   Pro … they’re fun and funky.  Con … not everybody can wear them.  Pro … I can probably make some vague, random statement about gladiator sandals and it would sound good.  Con … again, if you have cankles, stay away.  (Click on the link to watch the segment): 

http://www.kctv5.com/video/24359669/index.html 

How or why I never got fired from JCrew is a mystery to me.  I learned a lot about dealing with the customer and the subtle nuances thereof.   I also learned people only listen to my suggestion(s) about half the time.  If I tell you “that’s a horrible color on you”, don’t buy it.   And don’t you DARE roll your eyes at me or tattle to my manger.  For chrissake, YOU asked.  Trust me, olive looks good on no one … save for actual olives.  And even then it’s a little dicey.

I’m still not sold on gladiator sandals, but, hey if they’re good enough for Heidi Klum, they’re good enough for me.