Well, it’s official. I’m the most popular boy in the whole school. I just went to add a contact to my cell phone and it said “FULL”. I didn’t even know that was possible. Moreover, I didn’t even know I knew 500 people (most with multiple phone numbers).

So I started scrolling down the Phone Tree of Love. Seems I’ve met quite a few people over my last five years at the ad agency. And surprisingly, I’ve cajoled most of them in to (foolishly) giving me their digits.

But now it’s time to get rid of some folks and banish them to the Netherworld known as “DELETED”. And since I don’t a chance to abuse my authority much, deleting people out of my cell phone gives me a sick sense of power.

There’s about 20 people from PlattForm who no longer work here … including my old boss and my old boss’ boss. Gone. There’s some guy named Derek in my phone. I don’t know a Derek … let alone a Derek with one name like Cher or Madonna. He’s out.

And the list goes on and on.

There’s a B-list movie actor in my phone who hasn’t starred in anything in years … I probably should keep him. You never know when he’ll become famous again. I could easily free up space if I deleted the numbers of all my old interns … but then who knows when I might need to play my “former intern” card. (Today’s interns are tomorrow’s Junior Executives.)

Oddly, I’ve got Spike Lee’s number in my phone from a charity function. He’s a keeper. Plus, name dropping is fun! On a whim, I could call Mr. Olympia Jay Cutler or “Venom” from “American Gladiators” if I wanted. And I’ve got more reality TV “stars” in my phonebook than you can shake a stick at. (I’m going to give a shout-out to Tana Gertz, “Apprentice – Season 3” runner-up, as soon as I finish writing this.)

Who needs six massage therapists in their phone? Me thinks one is sufficient. Delete.  I have the number of several lawyers too. One suspiciously named Vinnie. I’m gonna delete them too.

When you work in advertising, you meet a lot of people – who know a lot of people. And they end up in your phone. Unfortunately, it’s a seemingly endless list of folks you haven’t called in three years. I feel better already purging my phone of unneeded numbers … it’s a bit of a relief. And I know my poor Sprint cell phone is breathing a bit easier too.

Oh … and, by the way, Derek – if you’re reading this … don’t call us, we’ll call you. NOT.