I’m in the midst of getting new carpet at Casa Mackie.  Nothing glamorous, mind you.  But it’s very plush and very beige.  It’s your basic garden-variety, run-o-the-mill standard beige with subtle flecks of brown.  Since my house is splashed with primary colors from top to bottom, I thought subtle was the way to go.  I’ve been coveting getting new carpet since I moved in – as the old carpet dates back to 1985.   

The house is currently in disarray.  And smells a little like Napalm.  Despite relentless vacuuming for two days – little orphaned strands of carpet keep appearing.  If my vacuum cleaner survives this onslaught, I’ll be amazed.  It was making some horrible “whir-whir-WAH-WAH” noise last night and that was after I’d emptied it for the third time.  

The guy installing my carpet is a friend of mine.  His name is Jarred and we met at the gym.  He’s a triathlete and incredibly fit – like 2% body-fat fit.  I hate him.  He’s covered with an array of battle scars from racing motorcycles.  Legally and illegally, mind you.  Since I’ve only been talking about getting new carpet for the last five years, he nearly fell over when I said, “Bring ON the samples!”  He brought over a slew of swatches to choose from.  My head nearly exploded.  I was so overwhelmed I made him narrow it down to two choices in my price range. I could choose between beige-beige or regular-beige.  Of course I went with the plushier, cushier beige-beige.  

For the last couple days I’ve been shuffling through the house barefoot.  Don’t come near me, I’m like an electrified fence.  I’ve shocked my roommate several times just by pointing my finger at him.  From six feet away.  Little did I know the carpet would also give me the superhuman ability to conduct electrical charges.  It’s my new superpower … emphasis on power.

I’m hoping that new carpet smell is gone soon.  It’s giving me a headache.  Fortunately, I feel like the house is somehow cleaner.  Mainly because Jarrod keeps hurling things at me he would find under the couch, under the bed or under the tables.  Maybe I should have went with the more expensive carpeting since I’m now up to about $312 in loose change found under things.  Hmmmm …