Went to see Lady Gaga’s “Monster Ball Tour” last night. What a visual feast. It was so grandiose, so over-the-top with theatrics, a deaf person would have appreciated it. Heck, I think Helen Keller would have appreciated it.

There was so much happening on stage and so many shiny things to distract my attention, I often found myself on the cusp of an epileptic seizure. Gaga, herself, was amazing in a jaw-dropping, awe-inducing sort of way. Even though our seats were crap, the diminutive Gaga was larger than life. She’s a cross between a stripper and the Tasmanian devil.  The term “hot mess” was created for her and her alone, I think.

She didn’t just bring it—she OWNED the crowd all night long. With the exception of a brief couple ballads in the middle of the show, the 9,000+ fans were frothing at the mouth for two hours. I lost track of the costume changes after the sixth one.

Since Gaga doesn’t have an extensive set list (uh, she’s got two albums under her belt), the crowd knew every word to every song verbatim. I know this because I was surrounded by Gaga fan-atics who SANG at the top of their lungs for the duration. After an hour, it became readily apparent that 20 year-olds do NOT lose their voices. Ever.

The only drawback to the evening was that the Gaga-ster was, well, preachy. Yes, I get that you’re about equality and peace and love and all things homo-licious. But after the fourth or fifth soliloquy, I felt like it was overkill. I, apparently, was the only one. Gaga could have read off a cereal box and the crowd would have gone berserk. For someone so petite, her voice soared to the rafters. She screeched, wailed and whooped like a soul sister. The crowd was completely entranced by her siren song.

The “people-watching” was of the utmost, highest-caliber. Best I’ve ever seen.  Folks let their freak flags fly proudly. I am not—by any stretch of the imagination—a prude. But even I found myself gawking at the unholy array of things people substituted as fabric. (I would use the term “apparel”, but that would be an affront to seamstresses everywhere.)

From “Just Dance” to “Teeth” to “Poker Face”, Gaga had the crowd in the palm of her hand all night long. I was tired FOR her at the end of the night. She is Madonna 2.0.  And she may have had one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard at a concert:

“Tonight, all the true freaks are outside this building. And I have locked the front doors.”

I think I might embroider that on a sequined, glitter-laced pillow wrapped in duct tape and give it to myself for Xmas.