Growing up, I always wanted a career in TV. Or on TV. Or watching TV. It didn’t really matter as long as a television was nearby and I was somehow involved. I’ll admit … I’m a bona fide television junkie. From an early age, I had an unnatural obsession with anything from “The Superfriends” to “BJ & the Bear” to “Gimme A Break”.
And I was a pop culture sponge too. I could tell you everything you ever wanted to know about Randi Oakes, a bit player on “CHiPs”. And long before Wikipedia, I could recite all of the players on “Battle of The Network Stars”, their shows and all the guest roles they had subsequently played.
Could I remember the capital of every state in fifth grade? No. But I could give you a detailed analysis of “The Incredible Hulk” including a synopsis of each show. I was like Rainman … babbling useless bits of trivia about “Riptide” or “Family Ties”.
There were four semi-defining moments in my TV watching milieu …
#4) I always liked schlocky, over-the-top melodramas. If I spoke Spanish, I’d be glued to telenovelas all day, every day. I never watched an episode of the insipid “90210”, but when “Melrose Place” came on, it rocked my world. And, believe me, if you watched that show you remember when the psycho Kimberly allegedly comes back from the dead. That scene where she rips her wig off to reveal a gaping scar gave me chills. It also made me utter an audible, “NO F’ING WAY!” in the presence of my parents. Of course, Kimberly went on to blow up Melrose Place … another series highlight. (1992)
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICyYiJiDGN0
#3) When Jaime Sommers battled the Fembots on “The Bionic Woman”; I thought the world was coming to a screeching halt. I was five at the time. Of course, I naturally assumed Fembots were real. I looked at my mom and a few of my aunts with suspicion, wondering at what point they’d rip their faces off and reveal their true nature. “The Bionic Woman” is poised to be released on DVD any day now and you can bet I’ll be first in line to buy it. (1976)
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V1JgodtIls&feature=related
#2) The M*A*S*H* series finale was a television event. I knew, even at age 12, that history was being made that night. I, along with 106 million of my closest friends, said goodbye to the 4077. My folks waxed nostalgic about it being over. Looking back, I probably did too … I have fond memories of my mom chortling at Klinger’s misadventures. I don’t remember much about the finale itself other than my stupid 6th grade teacher Mr. Curry giving us homework that night. I hissed, “I will NOT be doing my homework tonight. M*A*S*H is ending. It should be like a national holiday or something.” Mr. Curry did not watch TV because he thought television was the work of the devil. After he yelled at me about my disrespect, I should have told him where he could go. THAT he would have understood. (1982)
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ibMdKj36_U&feature=fvsr
#1) I prided myself on the fact I never missed a single episode of “LA Law”. From its inception in 1986 to its demise in the early ‘90’s, “LA Law” was a riveting, groundbreaking dramedy. For a brief period, I considered becoming a lawyer because the actors made everything seem so compelling! Plus, you’d get to work in a high-rise office, wear cool clothes and have awesome co-workers that were mentally challenged or bisexual.
And then my interest in the legal field (and the show itself) waned. None of my high school friends or college friends took any interest whatsoever in the goings on at McKenzie, Brackman, Chaney and Kuzak. I knew what I was watching was water cooler material. I just needed someone to cool it with. When I was a senior in college, I wrote a thesis article on how “LA Law” ripped stories right from the headlines. (Mind you, this was long before “Law & Order). I got a B+ on my paper. For someone who was such I fan, I thought this was outrageous. I should have yelled, “I Object!” Now, of course, the show looks incredibly dated. Hello, shoulder pads? Hello, cell phones the size of my head? But there was always at least one shocking moment per episode where’d you go, “WTF”, long before that was a common term.