The Bevinator Turns The Big 8-0

I came home to Des Moines this weekend to celebrate my mom’s 80th birthday.  When it came to the celebratory festivities, she had numerous demands.  “I want a big breakfast … and it had better include cinnamon rolls,” she mentioned a few months ago in passing.

Fast-forward to today when the entire Mackie and Bryan clan got together for brunch at a place called the Iowa Machine Shed … a place revered for copious amounts of comfort food.  You could tell mom was pleased with her choice because the buffet offered everything from cheesy hashbrowns to the oh-so exotic Huevos Rancheros to a trough of bacon.  And she scored a cinnamon roll the size of her head.

I was going to give a riveting speech at Mom’s BDay brunch today, but unfortunately our tables were smushed out in the middle of the restaurant alongside the unwashed and overfed masses.  Had I been able to speak freely … here’s what I would have said:

“Soon, Mom turns 80.  It’s a huge milestone for anyone, especially given Bev’s hard-partying lifestyle.  Many of you might not know that I call refer to Mom as ‘The Bevinator.’  This is because, as many of can attest, Mom is never wrong.  Ever.  Some of you may think she has occasionally erred, but you are woefully mistaken.  She is always right and that is that.

When Mom had me way back in the early ‘70’s, she was pushing 40.  When the doctor informed her of the good news he said, ‘You’re pregnant. This is, indeed, a medical miracle.’

Growing up Mom gave me three invaluable pieces of advice that I carry with me to this day: ‘1) Never spend money you don’t have. 2) Again, never spend money that you don’t have and 3) Don’t ever ask me for money.  Seriously.’

So today we come together to celebrate Mom officially becoming old.  I see a lot of familiar, loving faces here and a couple people I have no idea who the hell you are.  Turns out, you were my folks’ neighbors back in the day at their former place of residence.  It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around that because I keep forgetting my parents had lives before I came along.

So let’s all raise our OJ’s and coffees and celebrate Mom’s BDay.  And we’ll see all you crazy kids back here in 10 years when she turns 90 … and is even more cantankerous than she already is.  Let the grazing begin.”

One thought on “The Bevinator Turns The Big 8-0

  1. Good Blog Michael
    I was glad to see Mom had a great Birthday Party and the Machine Shed for a Brunch worked ot wee even though we were surrounded on all sides by booths and hungry people.
    The Machine Shed does put on a great Brunch
    It was great to have all the Family, Friends, and former and present neighbors attend

    This is Monday and Mom is still a llitle tired from here weekend activity
    Mom was right again….I was just going to have a small get togther at the Olive Garden for Lunch. She wanted a Machine Shed Brunch with a much larger group
    It worked out well
    Happy Birthday to your mom
    Dad

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