If you’ve never experienced Carbon Monoxide poisoning, all you need to do is visit my parent’s house. It is the only explanation I have for why I sleep 18 hours a day when I’m here. For instance, I got in yesterday around 1:30pm. By 3pm, the entire house was silent as everyone, including the dog, furiously napped. When I woke up four hours later (!!!), my folks were already getting ready for bed. Typically, they can’t stay up more than two hours after the street lights come on.

My mom watches TV upstairs … something mindless, usually an old Western or something insipid on Lifetime. My dad watches TV downstairs … where it’s perpetually locked on FOX News and cranked to 90 decibels. Yay, propoganda for everyone. Sometimes, in a coordinated effort, they will flip over to Animal Planet to enrage the dog. Their dog Weezy goes beserk when she spies another varmint on the screen. Of course, that’s all Animal Planet consists of. The dog gets so agitated after 30 minutes, it’s a wonder she doesn’t have a stroke. She then proceeds to pass out and my parents usually follow her lead.

Things move pretty slow at the ol’ Mackie house. And I’m not complaining. My life is a 24/7 whirlwind of unadulterated whatnot. When I come home, it’s nice to take things easy. I get to sleep in. I get to play with the dog. I can take a four-hour nap (uninterrupted, mind you). I can eat six meals a day if I want. And, oddly, my cell phone hasn’t rang once since I walked in the door. Nice!

I’m sure I’ll leave the house at some point this weekend. That is, if I can tear myself away from the oh-so inviting fireplace and unlimited supply of carbohydrates. Life will quickly return to its break-neck pace … but for now … I’m really content to do a whole lot of nothing.